Friday Weigh In!

So its actually Saturday, because I weighed myself on Friday and wasn't happy with the results.   I was doing so well after my post on Monday, I was burning up calories like crazy on Wednesday and Thursday.  Had over 1000 calories deficit both days, so I was real excited to weigh myself on Friday and see how the hard work payed off.  Well, I stepped on the scale and it had gone up, that's right, UP a pound since last Friday.  I was very discouraged and tried to tell myself that it is not about the numbers necessarily, especially when I had a great week and did what I was supposed to.  My dear hubby said, "weigh yourself again tomorrow, we had a big dinner last night".  So taking his wise advice, I weighed in this morning and I was down 1.5 lbs since last Friday!  YAHOO!!!  Yesterday I was feeling kind of low that the scale didn't reflect my hard work, I was not at all motivated to exercise, but I did anyway.  I am proud of myself for keeping to it even when I am struggling, and to be honest, by putting my focus on God and drawing nearer to him as I struggle through has made this weigh loss easy then it has ever been before.  I know I still have a long ways to go, but Praise God I am doing it!!!!

Total Weight Loss since January 7th = 13lbs!!!

Mamma Told me There'd be Days Like This

It was another weekend of successes and failures.  This past weekend I thought I was doing well with food choices after attending a birthday party( I didn't eat any cookies or birthday cake!) and a girl's night out, but when I logged my calories consumed vs. calories burned, I had only a 300-400 deficit.  My goal is a 1000 deficit a day in order to lose 2 lbs a week.  The good news is, there was still a deficit, right?  A friend told me she heard some where that a 300 + or - deficit does not effect your weight, so even though I still have just over a 300 calorie deficit each day, I do not feel successful, but Friday is still 4 days away.  Sadly, I have absolutely no energy, motivation, or desire to exercise today.  I feel exhausted.  I stayed up really late Saturday night and my little alarm clock for a daughter doesn't allow any sleeping in.  I went to bed early Sunday night, but still feel so tired today....not to mention grumpy.  I am in just a miserable mood.

I guess what I really learned from this weekend is how much I really ate before I started logging my calories.  If I had attended this birthday party before feeling called to have some self discipline, I would have ate several of those yummy Oreo's, plus the birthday cake, plus several cups of soda.  My girls night out would have consisted of hot fudge on a huge dish of ice cream with a smoothy to wash it down.  In hindsight I am very proud of the choices I made this weekend.  I guess I was successful in that I had self discipline and didn't over indulge. 

Heavenly Father, please continue to give me wisdom and strength when it comes to what I crave.  Help me not to dwell on minor setbacks but begin anew each hour and minute of every day.

Friday Weigh In

Fridays are my day to weigh myself.  I have learned in the last few weeks to only weigh myself on Friday, once a week, not several times a week.  As a woman my weight can fluctuate like crazy, so for my own mental health, I now just weigh myself once a week.  Today I am happy to report that I lost 1.5 lbs since last Friday!  The milkshake yesterday did not do me in and if anything got me motivate to actually exercise.  So far all the weight loss has been because of calorie counting.  The only day I purposely did some exercise was Superbowl Sunday.  Last night I felt so guilty about the milkshake that I did a half hour on the Wii EA Active 2.  It was a good workout.

Total weight loss since January 7:  11.5LBS!!!

Hey, if you are reading my blog, please leave a comment from time to time so I know more people are reading other then my husband!  :)

big mistake

So, I am counting calories, which allows me to have sweets from time to time, I just have to eat less somewhere else during the day.  I still enjoy a fancy coffee here or there.  Well, my bright idea today was to have a small milk shake from McDonalds.  My friend Kristen and I thought we could get a small milkshake and then just have a salad for lunch.  Lets be honest, it was my idea and I talked her into it.  Not a bad idea, right?  I should have looked up the calories before I purchased it and drank 'er down.  Guess how many calories are in a small, 12 oz, chocolate milk shake...








wait for it.......








580!!!!!!

maybe that is common knowledge and I am just naive but I was thinking around 300 calories at the most in one of those little milk shakes.  Holy cow, I have been having an awesome week and now I just feel disgusted with myself.  Tomorrow is my day to weigh myself and I really want to see some progress after only losing 1/2 lb last week and the high calorie weekend I had.  Time to get moving and burn some extra calories.

My Precious.....

You know how Gollum feels in Lord of the Rings about the One Ring?  Well, I think that's one of the best ways to describe how I feel when I am presented with tempting treats like brownies, cookies, cream puffs, and other types of desserts.  At first, before I take a bite, I have some semblance of control, but once I take a bite, they continue to call to me, I can't stop thinking about them, and if you try and take them away from me, I may lash out at you. 

In Made to Crave, Lysa Terkeurst gave up all sugar, and although that is not my weight loss path, I can see why she did it.  She said she didn't have the strength to eat in moderation, she needed to repair that relationship with God so that she could have control over the sweets.  One bite could lead her back to her own bad habits. 

A dear friend made cookies a few weeks ago, small little cookies,  super delicious little cookies, one would not be too harmful, but guess what, once I ate one, 4 more easily followed.  It was so hard to stop.  Same idea with the brownies Friday night and the cookies at the quilt shop.  I desired them so badly, was tempted so greatly, but here is a good verse to help:

1 Corinthians 10:12-14
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!  No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful;  he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.  Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry."

It feels unbearable when I am being tempted, but I need to remind myself that God will not tempt me more then I can bear.  By choosing God over choosing food, He will provide a way out!  Hallelujah!

It Was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...

Satan has a funny way of working sometimes, just after my big first blog post on Friday, I had one of the highest calories weekends yet.  My mom was here for a visit and to babysit, so my routine was off, and it made for many tough decisions as far as food this weekend.  It had its high and low points.  It all began Friday night when I had some friends over for dinner and they brought scrumptious brownies for dessert.  1st off I made pulled pork for dinner, yum, and I bypassed having mine on a roll to cut calories and carbs.  Very happy with that choice, but then came the brownies.  I did only have one, but I REALLY wanted more.  I couldn't stop thinking about them, they sat there on the table staring me down and winning.  Eventually, I did take a minuscule slice, and then tried to send them home with my friends, who tried to leave them at my house.   They didn't want the temptation under their roof either.  :)  So a compromise was made and some stayed and some went.  I asked my husband to put it out sight, because seeing it was too much of a temptation.  So Friday night passed and I stayed within my calorie budget.  Saturday I decided to make Apple Streusel Cinnamon muffins for breakfast.  They were just 180 calories each so I ate one and had a protein shake.  Not bad, not bad at all.  Then my mom and I took off to check out a quilt shop and the owner had just baked fresh chocolate chip cookies at the store and offered us some.  It was 10:30 in the morning.  I have no problem eating cookies at any time if day, but even though the whole store smelled like fresh baked cookies, and they looked delicious, I was able to prevail and walk away.   (by the way, is it weird to anyone else that a person selling fabric and having quilting classes makes gooey choc chip cookies?  Can we say dirty fingers?)  Then we decided to bring Chinese home to the hubby.  Chinese food does not tend to make me feel full, and I ordered fried rice instead of white rice.  Rookie mistake, but overall I think I was sensible in the amount I ate.   

My mom came specifically so Rick and I could get out and she would watch the little one.  So we deemed Saturday night as our Valentines dinner out.  We had a gift card to Carraba's and a coupon for a free dessert.  I tried to take the advice from slimkatie at Runs for Cookies and searched Carraba's menu online looking for nutrition information so I could plan ahead what I would order.  Carraba's doesn't post their nutrition, bummer.  I did find some sites that said they knew, but it was only a few items they posted, not the whole menu.  When we got there we indulged in the free appetizer, highly recommend the fried zucchini.  Then I ordered grilled chicken with green beans and garlic mashed potatoes.  Definitely the best option on the menu besides ordering a salad.  All in all I think I did well, but I think I should have passed on the fried zucchini.

Then came Sunday, left over muffins, then off to lunch at a favorite local restaurant where I overindulged.  Beef on wyck, french fries, and a gigantic cream puff covered in whip cream and chocolate syrup.  Yup, ate it all and had the guilt and shame feeling afterwards and swore I would not eat anything for dinner but vegetables.  Well, that didn't happen.  Left over pulled pork and baked beans.  Thankfully, each day is a new day and today has been awesome!  After a weekend of slowly declining will power, my determination (God) kicked in and got me back on track.  The enemy's been defeated!  Brownies, cookies, and cream puffs couldn't hold me down!!

Isaiah 43:18-19
"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!...I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

How this came to be...

So here it is, my first blog entry.  I have so many things I want to write about that I do not even know where to start.  I am by no means a writer (I will leave that to my sister Carolyn), I have never been good at keeping a journal, not even when it was required for classes, but I felt led to begin a blog to help with my weight loss, to help me keep accountable, and to track my progress. 

I have been overweight all my life, and I have hated it all my life.  I grew up with friends and family who loved me, and by the grace of God I fell in love and married a wonderful Godly man.  The pounds kept adding on and on.  I would have success losing weight here and there, but still would remain overweight.  In 2008, I biked my overweight self 400 miles across NYS, had a baby in 2009, and then in the past year continued to let the weight pack on.  I started running last summer to participate in a 1/2 marathon in October.  I lost a few pounds training for that, but didn't really watch my diet so much, so I didn't get the full benefit of all that exercise.  On October 31, 2011, I participated in that half marathon and finished with a time of 3:19.  It was a huge accomplishment for me to lug all that weight around for 13.1 miles!  Because I had not trained long enough before hand, my body hurt for a long time after that and I used that as an excuse not to exercise.  Then the holidays hit and I ate...a lot.  I would like to say that enjoyed the holiday treats, but the truth is, eating cookies, cheesecake, and candy may have tasted good, but all I felt was shame and guilt.  And because I was overeating all the time, I felt this shame and guilt all the time.  By the time my birthday rolled around on January 6, I decided enough was enough.  But it wasn't by own strength that I decided to change my life, it was with God's.  Here is that part of the story:

So have you ever heard of the Christian singer Mandisa?  She was a finalist on season 5 of American Idol and went on to become a Contemporary Christian singer.  I saw her at a few Women of Faith conferences and just thought she was such a beautiful woman of God, so of course I liked her on facebook!  On facebook she openly talked about her struggle with weight, and recommended a book "Made to Crave:  Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food" by Lysa Terkeurst.  Mandisa mentioned this book time and time again, and I was beginning to think about getting it, and then one night at my girls group my lovely friend came with this book in tow and read some of it too us.  A few of us decided to be accountable to each other that night, and the books were purchased.  Let me tell you this, the book was very convicting.  So convicting in fact that I stopped reading it, and this is what I sent to my accountability girls: 

Well, ladies, I could sure use support and prayer. I have been sitting on this for a while and just feeling plain old crappy. I have been exercising quite a bit the last few weeks but I haven't really changed my diet, so I am not really losing any weight. I have so many reasons to lose weight, but none of them seem to be strong enough to make me stop the eating. I am embarrassed that I cannot stop, because my motivations to stop are pretty big ones such as 1) My relationship with God, 2) The 1/2 marathon in a few weeks, 3) my fertility issues. Losing weight may not make me fertile, but it would boost my chances. I am so ashamed of myself for not being able to break this cycle. I have picked up the book, read some and then put it down for weeks because it challenges me and I guess I don't want to have to deal with the struggle of trying to break free, but in all reality, I am miserable anyway because I am so embarrassed and ashamed. A lot of frustration and tears.

I wrote that in September, and it still took me until January 6 to find the determination to break that cycle.  God didn't give up and now neither will I.  I want to draw closer to God and I want my heart to crave Him and not Cadbury mini eggs, or Starbucks frappachino's, or cookies fresh from the oven...I could go on and on.

Here is something else I have learned...notice in my message to my friends I said I couldn't find the motivation, well I have stumbled upon a blog of a woman who last over 100 lbs through diet and exercise and she explained the difference between motivation and determination.  Here it is in her words at Runs for Cookies.  But basically motivation is a force, stimulus, an incentive or drive, where determination is the act of deciding definitely and firmly; firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end.  Apparently I was never motivated enough to make a real difference in my life, but I am determined to reach the desired end, which is to crave God, and become fit for a King!  So far so good.  I have finished the book, and started re-reading it for support (it has a lot of great scripture references in it!)  Not only have I finished the book, but since my weigh in on January 7, I have lost 10 lbs!

So friends, there it is, my first blog entry.  Maybe one of these days I will be brave enough to post my beginning weight, I am not there yet.  Please pray with me, for me, and let me know how I can pray for you.  Until next time, Sara