How this came to be...

So here it is, my first blog entry.  I have so many things I want to write about that I do not even know where to start.  I am by no means a writer (I will leave that to my sister Carolyn), I have never been good at keeping a journal, not even when it was required for classes, but I felt led to begin a blog to help with my weight loss, to help me keep accountable, and to track my progress. 

I have been overweight all my life, and I have hated it all my life.  I grew up with friends and family who loved me, and by the grace of God I fell in love and married a wonderful Godly man.  The pounds kept adding on and on.  I would have success losing weight here and there, but still would remain overweight.  In 2008, I biked my overweight self 400 miles across NYS, had a baby in 2009, and then in the past year continued to let the weight pack on.  I started running last summer to participate in a 1/2 marathon in October.  I lost a few pounds training for that, but didn't really watch my diet so much, so I didn't get the full benefit of all that exercise.  On October 31, 2011, I participated in that half marathon and finished with a time of 3:19.  It was a huge accomplishment for me to lug all that weight around for 13.1 miles!  Because I had not trained long enough before hand, my body hurt for a long time after that and I used that as an excuse not to exercise.  Then the holidays hit and I ate...a lot.  I would like to say that enjoyed the holiday treats, but the truth is, eating cookies, cheesecake, and candy may have tasted good, but all I felt was shame and guilt.  And because I was overeating all the time, I felt this shame and guilt all the time.  By the time my birthday rolled around on January 6, I decided enough was enough.  But it wasn't by own strength that I decided to change my life, it was with God's.  Here is that part of the story:

So have you ever heard of the Christian singer Mandisa?  She was a finalist on season 5 of American Idol and went on to become a Contemporary Christian singer.  I saw her at a few Women of Faith conferences and just thought she was such a beautiful woman of God, so of course I liked her on facebook!  On facebook she openly talked about her struggle with weight, and recommended a book "Made to Crave:  Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food" by Lysa Terkeurst.  Mandisa mentioned this book time and time again, and I was beginning to think about getting it, and then one night at my girls group my lovely friend came with this book in tow and read some of it too us.  A few of us decided to be accountable to each other that night, and the books were purchased.  Let me tell you this, the book was very convicting.  So convicting in fact that I stopped reading it, and this is what I sent to my accountability girls: 

Well, ladies, I could sure use support and prayer. I have been sitting on this for a while and just feeling plain old crappy. I have been exercising quite a bit the last few weeks but I haven't really changed my diet, so I am not really losing any weight. I have so many reasons to lose weight, but none of them seem to be strong enough to make me stop the eating. I am embarrassed that I cannot stop, because my motivations to stop are pretty big ones such as 1) My relationship with God, 2) The 1/2 marathon in a few weeks, 3) my fertility issues. Losing weight may not make me fertile, but it would boost my chances. I am so ashamed of myself for not being able to break this cycle. I have picked up the book, read some and then put it down for weeks because it challenges me and I guess I don't want to have to deal with the struggle of trying to break free, but in all reality, I am miserable anyway because I am so embarrassed and ashamed. A lot of frustration and tears.

I wrote that in September, and it still took me until January 6 to find the determination to break that cycle.  God didn't give up and now neither will I.  I want to draw closer to God and I want my heart to crave Him and not Cadbury mini eggs, or Starbucks frappachino's, or cookies fresh from the oven...I could go on and on.

Here is something else I have learned...notice in my message to my friends I said I couldn't find the motivation, well I have stumbled upon a blog of a woman who last over 100 lbs through diet and exercise and she explained the difference between motivation and determination.  Here it is in her words at Runs for Cookies.  But basically motivation is a force, stimulus, an incentive or drive, where determination is the act of deciding definitely and firmly; firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end.  Apparently I was never motivated enough to make a real difference in my life, but I am determined to reach the desired end, which is to crave God, and become fit for a King!  So far so good.  I have finished the book, and started re-reading it for support (it has a lot of great scripture references in it!)  Not only have I finished the book, but since my weigh in on January 7, I have lost 10 lbs!

So friends, there it is, my first blog entry.  Maybe one of these days I will be brave enough to post my beginning weight, I am not there yet.  Please pray with me, for me, and let me know how I can pray for you.  Until next time, Sara